----Original Message Follows----
1. Pierce your nose or tongue: Pierce your heart with post-modern pathos.
2. Be serious or be funny? Seriously disturbed.
3. Boxers or briefs on guys? Let em run about nekkid
4. Whole or skim milk? Whole. Skimming takes the soul of it.
5. Single or taken? Singled out
6. Simple or complicated? Simple complications
7. Law or anarchy? I dunno...which one will sell more records?
8. Flowers or angels? Aphids.
10. Read or write? Scribble on the books, then burn them.
11. Color or black-and-white photos? Crayons on black and white.
12. Sunrise or sunset? The part when the sun crashes into the Earth every afternoon.
13. Dinner or supper? Grease fire or toaster fire?
14. Rap or rock? Disco. Disco. Disco.
15. Stay up late, or wake up early? Never sleep.
16. More romantic, Bath or shower? Bath, Maine? Bath, England? Bath, Blood?
17. Is it POP or SODA? It's Guinness.
18. X or O in Tic-tac-toe? Q's and Z's.
19. Leather billfold or knit billfold? Black PVC rubber.
20. Who should make the first move, guy or girl? Whoever hired the moving van.
21. Light or dark nail polish? Dark covers up the dirt under the nails better.
22. Tall or short guy or girl? Average people with average height/weight and average lives and average deaths.
23. Sun or the moon? Stars, baby! I'm gonna be a star!
24. Emerald or ruby? Alexandrite.
25. Pants or long skirt? Baggy trousers.
26. Left or right handed? Ambidextrous, I am not lying.
27. 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend: 10,000 Enemies and a bottle of rum! Arrrrr, matey!
28. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream: I hate Vanilla Ice!
29. Leonardo DiCaprio or Tom Cruise: Both, for vivisection.
30. Green beans or carrots? All of em! Veggie Rights!
33. Low fat or fat free? The more fat the merrier!
34. Ponytail or leave it down? Dreadlocks, mon.
35. Silver jewelry or gold? Silver. Vampirism is rampant these days.
36. Pool or hot tub? A pool of what? Blood? How about a hot tub of beef gravy?
37. Cat or dog? Cat who thinks it's an Irish Wolfhound.
38. Half empty or half full? Half and half.
39. Mustard or ketchup? Ketchard and mustup.
40. Say something nice about the person who sent this to you. He is one of America's greatest storytellers.
41. Newspaper or magazine? Tabloid
42. Sandals or sneakers? Doc Martens
43. Wonder or amazement? Shock
44. Red car or white car? Green tricycle
45. Happy and poor or rich and sad? Moderately successful and contemplative.
46. Singing or dancing? shrieking and stomping
47. Hug or kiss? Just run up and tackle 'em.
48. Corduroy or plaid? Corduroy. Plaid is just evil.
49. Happy or sad? Angry!
50. Live or die? Alive but barely under the fascist junta.
51. Eat or sleep? sleepwalk and eat everything
52. Run or walk? Skipping!
53. Are you guy or girl crazy? The doctor says I'm not crazy anymore.
54. Would you ever get naked in front of people for $100? No, but I'd pay 100 dollars to tattoo people with whatever I felt like.
55. Do you fall for hot guys or girls or nice guys or girls? If guys are hot, I suspect them of having a fever and therefore a contagious disease. Let's go with nice guys.
56. Do you like someone right now? No, I hate everyone.
57. Do you like school? As long as I'm eating large amounts of sugar and caffeine.
58. Have you ever played spin the bottle? I spun the bottle once and opened it and got covered with soda.
59. Would you go out with a younger guy or girl? Younger than what? Moses? Fossils? The Universe?
60. Any last remarks about this? why do people do this? People do this because they have time to waste. Thank you for wasting mine.
61. Now copy this extra long e-mail and put in your answers and send it on!!! NOW MAKE SURE YOU SEND IT BACK TO THE PERSON YOU GOT IT FROM!!!!!
My, you're touchy, aren't you?